Let me just be really real right now because what I'm about to say, I just really need to get off my chest. Let's face it, I'm 25 years old and I really just need to be rid of all this negative energy. So, just bare with me for a few...
I've always been that kind of girl that gives all I can give but when I've had it, I've had it. There's no rewinds. No take-backs. I'm spent. I've only truly felt this way 3 times in my life prior and they all came at the ending of my last 3 relationships. This particular instance came as a bit of a shock to me because (1) it wasn't an ex-boyfriend I was feeling this about and (2) I'm usually a forgiving, "give everybody the benefit-of-the-doubt" type of person. I guess this time, I just went out of character. Maybe it was just too much for me. Everything just felt forced, like instead of being real with eachother I just felt like I HAD to be there not because I wanted to be, but more because I felt bad if I wasn't. There were times when I felt flat-out overwhelmed, no joke. I'm not denying the fact that we had some great times and it was an awesome friendship while it lasted..but honestly, it just got old. I found myself getting annoyed at the littlest things & then I started to feel smothered. I thought I was crazy for feeling that way because I never thought it was possible to feel that way about your friends but I guess it was. Well, in my case at least. The best way I knew how to deal was to just get away. The distance helped me clear my head. After some time away, I realized that it wasn't really the kind of situation I wanted to associate myself with. I've come a long way and I'm very proud of the person I have grown to be but being in this situation recently has caused me to backtrack into these immature relapses. I hate how it makes me feel and how it makes me act because it's not me. Far from it.
It still confuses the hell out of me though. How I can get tired of a person or situation so fast and in such a short amount of time, I haven't the slightest clue but it happened & needless to say, I don't feel guilty or regret anything. What's done is done & I'll just leave it be because truth be told, I don't care enough to bring shit up right now. And if we're really being raw about it, you never really knew me at all so I don't owe you anything, much less an explanation. But that's just me being blunt. I know I should be the bigger person & talk it out so that at least we got some closure, that's my bad. But I do believe in due time we will get that chance to talk it out. I just don't think now is the time. Things are still fresh in my mind & I think if given the time to talk about it now, my annoyance will just get the best of me & the conversation might just take a turn for the worst. So, I guess until then I'll just leave it be & let the time take its course to heal both ends.
How things took the complete 360 & got to where it is now, I can't explain. It seems like everything just happened so fast & before I knew it, we're here. I don't want to apologize because I don't feel like I have anything to be sorry for. I just feel like we both need to be individuals. You do you and I'll do me. That's the only solution I can think of. I know you'll be okay because you have been & you definitely don't need me to reassure you of that. You're good. So, until we cross paths again..I just wish you all the best.
Thank you & goodnight.
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