Saying goodbye to 2010.

If I could choose ONE word to describe this year it would without a doubt be BITTERSWEET.

Looking back on the past year, I can't help but be happy & sad at the same time. Some things I'd rather have not happened at all, but most of the year I can say I've shed more smiles than tears.

I started the year off right all thanks to my boo ;] I couldn't have asked for a more perfect way to begin 2010 but to spend it with that someone special. He's made this year one to remember & to think we've only just begun our new life together. He's been a great deal of support through the whole pregnancy & if I can't call him my lifesaver, I don't know who else can fill the spot because he's gone above & beyond for me & I just can't help but feel blessed to have him. I love you, Gerald Garcia Dumandan -=) Thank you for being YOU & for believing in me, & most especially in US!

Spring rolled through & the good times kept rolling. Great times were had & amazing memories were made. I found a job that I loved & it added some stability in my life. Financial weights were lifted from my shoulders & what can I say? It felt great!!

Summer wasn't so bright though. Started it off pretty happy finding out I was pregnant, but then got hit hard with the news of my mom getting diagnosed with pancreatic cancer was pretty rough all around. This year has definitely taught me a lot about my faith and the power of prayer. Its been 6 months since the diagnosis & if it wasn't for the weight loss, you'd think she was back to her old self again -=) I'm very grateful that she's found the strength to fight through the sickness & hopefully 2011 will bring us even greater news. My mom is an amazing woman & I know the Lord will continue to guide her through this so please, keep the prayers coming her way.

I'm happy to say I've found some consistency in my life this year. I went back to school last October & finished off the quarter with a 4.0 GPA -=) Not too shabby considering I was in my 2nd & 3rd trimesters the whole time LOL I'm happy to say I'm extremely proud of myself. I've always been a great student, but its good to know I haven't lost the drive & motivation.

2010 will be coming to a close in 4 days & soon enough, Gerald & I will be welcoming the new year with our baby boy. By this Thursday, I'll be full term already & well, it'll be safe to say that the baby will be coming any day from then -=) With every movement he makes in my belly (no matter how painful, at times), we get more & more excited. Everything is starting to feel more real now that the due date is coming closer. I'm getting more anxious about the delivery. I feel like I'm so unprepared which is making me super nervous. Blame that on the Virgo in me. But, I know that no matter what, when he's here...it'll be the most amazing experience I will ever go through. I can't wait!

With everything that happened to me this year, I have to say that I've never been more at peace in my life than I was this year. I weeded out the negativity and I didn't settle for anything less than what I deserved. It would've been hard to imagine going through all the shit I went through this year with extra and unnecessary "baggage." Its an awesome feeling knowing that I stuck to my guns & haven't looked back since. I know that I have a much better person & I've been more at ease with myself because of it.

So, to anyone & everyone who has been a part of my year...I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I feel so blessed and so loved. May the Lord bless you all with lots of health, love, friendship, happiness & wealth in 2011.

Thank you & goodnight!

Christmas 2010.

(From L to R: Big Bro, Me, Big Bro's Girlfriend Lisa, Mom, Little Sister & Boo)

10 weeks.

Wow. Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday Gerald & I found out I was pregnant and now we're 10 weeks away from my due date. With the baby's every kick and with every day that passes, we get more and more excited! Its so crazy to think I actually have another little life inside me. I get more & more amazed every day.

Gerald has been nothing short of amazing, as well. I think he's learning to adjust more & more everyday to living somewhere else other than Seattle, where he was born & raised. He's been a trooper though. The day of the move was pretty rough on him and all his loved ones, but everyone's been real supportive thus far and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I know that when the baby finally comes, he'll be an amazing father. He's already shown so much effort in making things as easy as possible for me & I couldn't have imagined going through this pregnancy without him. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it, but I most definitely feel blessed.

And while we're on the subject of feeling blessed, I should probably mention that my trip to Seattle 2 weeks ago was awesome, as always! It felt good to be out of Vegas, even if it was only for the weekend. It rained a lot the whole weekend & usually that would bother me, but just being around everyone who showed us so much love..how could I have NOT been in a good mood?? Gerald's best friends Michelle & Julie threw us an awesome baby shower at his house with all of his friends and it was so much fun - everything from the games, food, and the company. I was surprised that I even had any energy left for the baby shower his sister & mom threw us the next day. It was more chill, but still so much fun. I never thought I could feel so much love in one weekend but thats what happened! I feel more & more blessed and excited that my son's going to have such an amazing support system in his life. Of course, we'll be sending out more formal Thank You's in a few weeks but I just wanted to say thank you again & again, over & over to Michelle, Julie, Karen, & Auntie for putting in the effort, time & energy to throw us two amazing baby showers! WE LOVE YOU!!!

So, whats next? Well, we're hoping to enjoy the holidays with my family here in Las Vegas and attend some prenatal classes in between just to get more prepared for the lil man. My family's throwing me a baby shower in 2 weeks so the love's gonna keep coming our way! Then, before we know it, it'll be January & then the real countdown will begin. We're so excited! Thank you to both of our families and friends for the constant support and encouragement. We love you all & we can't wait to share Xavier with you all.

Thank you & goodnight!

Bittersweet.

My dad was in town this weekend from D.C. & I must say, after 2 1/2 years of not seeing or even talking to eachother until the last few months..it feels good. Its like everything is right with the world. He came to our house to pay a visit to my mom & it brought her to tears...which of course, brought me to tears. Looking back at the relationship they used to have when my siblings & I were growing up then seeing it turn ugly for a few years after the divorce had been finalized & seeing them now...well, I have no words to describe it but i know one thing -- it most definitely brings me peace. I always knew my dad & I would reconcile our differences & restore the relationship we used to have..but seeing BOTH of my parents together in one room...and NOT yelling at eachother? Well, its pretty awesome. I guess the only thing that sucks about it is that we never really know where their relationship would be if I didn't get pregnant & my mom didn't get diagnosed with cancer. Nonetheless, the past is in the past and we are all here now & I, for one, cannot complain. It feels good.

It was a long, rough road that got us all here but I'm thankful & happy that we are, FINALLY....here.

UPDATE!

YIKES! I guess I've been leaving the blog a bit dusty the past 4 months, huh? So, here's the update:

MY Lakers are the back-to-back Champions, in case you were stuck under a rock for the past 4 months and didn't hear LOL all that stress they put me through last season, all I have to say is that I am RELIEVED! We made some moves this summer to build a stronger team as we go after another 3-peat for Coach PJ's last year in LA. Looking forward to October already. GO LAKERS!!!

Ok, ok. Now back to updates with me LOL. Work is work, as always. Been at my job since March of this year & I love it. Most days are better than others but its good to have that steady income. My co-workers are like my extended family & they definitely help to make the workday go by fast. Not to mention, its a small office & communication is easy to come by...well, for me at least. But, let's not go there. Full benefits & a pretty decent salary..what more can I ask for at this point in my life, in the professional aspect?

The boyfriend & I are still going strong -=) 7 months on the 22nd of this month & more love is on the way because WE'RE HAVING A BABY! Yes, you heard right! I'm 15 weeks pregnant & we're both thrilled! Although, him & I haven't been together for as long as most couples, I'm very happy to say that I couldn't have been more excited to have this baby with anyone else. Both of our families have been very supportive with everything & everyday is just making us more and more excited! So, with that said..my wishes are finally coming true -- we're saying goodbye to this long-distance relationship because he'll soon be joining me here in Las Vegas. Third week of October to be exact. As far as marriage? Not in the agenda just yet. Of course we're in love but we both agreed that the baby is the #1 priority at this point. We just don't feel like we NEED to get married just because we're having a baby. Our personal relationship is separate from everything having to deal with the baby and if in the future, we're still going strong & we feel like its the right time..why NOT get married, right? But not right now. We'll be just as happy with or without the ring at this moment in time.

My family life..well, thats another story. Don't get me wrong..things at home are still amazing but just some not-so-good adjustments we've all had to make. Just around the same time I found out I was pregnant, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 pancreatic cancer. There's a mass on her pancreas that was just about the size of a golf ball & it was blocking one of her tubes affecting her food intake. She lost so much weight & it even caused yellowing in her skin. It was definitely the most heartbreaking news I've ever had to deal with in my life. Everyday is a struggle, trying to stay positive about a situation that could go any which way at any time...it's crazy. She's been through 4 chemotherapy treatments and she's scheduled for a PET Scan in a few weeks to see if the chemo shrank the mass. Lots of prayers from family and friends all over the world have helped us all get through this. Its been 2 months and she's looking great, actually. She's gained a little bit of weight & her skin color is back to normal. She was reacting really well to the chemo and she's only starting to feel pains in her stomach & back last week. My mom's always been a strong woman and to tell you the truth, its been a lot harder for us to keep it together than its been for her. Seeing her go through this with so much faith & strength is so inspiring. I'm hoping the positivity keeps coming our way, until she can finally be rid of this awful disease. I believe in you, Mom. I love you & we're still praying everyday. We can do this!

I gotta stop now before the tears begin to fall. So, I guess now you can see what I've been up to the past 4 months. Quite a roller coaster but I'm holding it together a lot better than I thought I would be. I've come such a long way from who I used to be so many years ago & I'm really proud of who I've become. The Lord won't give you a problem he knows you can't fix so I'm feeling blessed that the Lord has trusted me to get through this. I feel blessed to have such an amazing family, boyfriend, job, and life. I can't wait to see what the rest of the year has in store for me -=)

So, hopefully another 4 months doesn't go by before I blog again. Please keep my mother in your prayers and may God bless you. Thank you and good night!

woooooosssaaahhhh.

Are you guys watching this game right now?! UN-F*CKING-BELIEVABLE!!! I never doubted OKC would beat us. Exactly why I gave them 2 wins this series with the Lakers winning in 6 but a damn blowout?! 1/2 of the OKC's points are from foul shots?! WTF?! Is it just me or are these referees playing this shit right now?! ARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!

I wanna fucking shoot somebody! On top of everything else, we're not getting to the line & when we do we can't make a freethrow to save our lives. There's no intensity on both ends of the court for us. We're so much bigger than these kids & we can't get a fucking rebound?!?! I'm so upset right now. This is ridiculous!

90 days..

...from the amazing day of January 22, 2010, of course -=)



I'm happy to say that things haven't slowed down for my boyfriend & I. We're still going strong, feeling more connected than ever. Everyday I fall more & more in love with him & our relationship. I've got no complaints, no worries, no negative remarks. But just reading back that last sentence seemed so surreal to me. If you know me at all, by this time in the relationship, we would've had our first fight already or I've already nit-picked at his personality & found something to be annoyed by...but honestly speaking, nothing. I can't even find anything wrong if I lied about it.

Just last weekend, I surprised him by visiting him in Seattle. A month of plotting with his best friends for the perfect surprise & I'm happy to say we succeeded. A billion thanks to them, by the way. They know who they are *hugs* But seeing his face when the surprise was going down was priceless. We both had the hugest smiles on our faces & the fact that we were both on the verge of going crazy with missing each other, it made it all worth it. It was the shortest visit we've had together but we definitely made the most of it. It was the best 46 hours I've ever spent with anyone ever in my life. That weekend made me realize how lucky I am to have him in my life. Then I think about how stupid I would have been to have passed all of this up just a few months prior and trust me, I was so close. That's all in the past & it just seems like ages ago.

So, as I was saying..3 months in & everything is perfect. Well, nothing's perfect but if there was one thing that was, it would be this. The long-distance is never going to be something I'll get used to. Its just something I need to deal with. A little sacrifice never hurt anyone, right? I find myself missing him so much..especially on the rougher days, but I cope. We talk on a daily basis, whether through phone or text or twitter or facebook -- the communication is there & I'm so proud of how we're both handling the distance. I've always imagined a long-distance relationship being a lot harder to deal with than this, but he's made it as smooth as possible for me so when your boyfriend treats you like a queen but respects you like his equal, you tell me...what is there to complain/fight about? Exactly what I thought -- nothing.

I couldn't have dreamt up a more perfect guy or relationship than this. He's funny & our humor meshes well together. He's a perfect gentleman. He doesn't only meet me halfway, but the 100% I give to him, he reciprocates. What more could I possibly ask for? Well, there's ONE thing..can you guess?

Yup. For us to be together -- physically.

Its tough. I wouldn't wish a long-distance relationship on anyone. But I always say, the Lord wouldn't give you something He knows you can't handle. In due time, we will be together. I don't know when all these plans will pull together but I'm not doubtful that we both have the patience to wait. I can see the long-run with him. Our future bright & clear, so I'm in no rush. I understand the weight of a big move like that & I would never want to pressure him into moving anywhere for me prematurely. Missing him is a pain, but just looking at the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? That's enough to ease that pain because I know what lies ahead in our future is definitely going to be worth the wait.

So, call me cheesy, corny or whatever you want but fuck it. I'M IN LOVE! I have the most amazing man in my life who is not only my boyfriend but he's my best friend too!

And before I hit the sack tonight, I just want to say...

I love you so much & every minute we're apart, I'm missing you like crazy. I thank the Lord everyday that he's blessed me with you. You have made me feel happiness like I've never felt in my life. I look forward to the next 3 days, months, years, decades & even centuries with you. Happy 3 month anniversary, boo! 6 more days til we see each other again. I can't wait for our date ;] Thank you for being the man you are -- for all the support you give & the effort you put in. I'm truly convinced you were made just for me -=) I LOVE YOU, CRAZY!

And with all that said...thank you & goodnight, bloggers!

When it's over..

Let me just be really real right now because what I'm about to say, I just really need to get off my chest. Let's face it, I'm 25 years old and I really just need to be rid of all this negative energy. So, just bare with me for a few...

I've always been that kind of girl that gives all I can give but when I've had it, I've had it. There's no rewinds. No take-backs. I'm spent. I've only truly felt this way 3 times in my life prior and they all came at the ending of my last 3 relationships. This particular instance came as a bit of a shock to me because (1) it wasn't an ex-boyfriend I was feeling this about and (2) I'm usually a forgiving, "give everybody the benefit-of-the-doubt" type of person. I guess this time, I just went out of character. Maybe it was just too much for me. Everything just felt forced, like instead of being real with eachother I just felt like I HAD to be there not because I wanted to be, but more because I felt bad if I wasn't. There were times when I felt flat-out overwhelmed, no joke. I'm not denying the fact that we had some great times and it was an awesome friendship while it lasted..but honestly, it just got old. I found myself getting annoyed at the littlest things & then I started to feel smothered. I thought I was crazy for feeling that way because I never thought it was possible to feel that way about your friends but I guess it was. Well, in my case at least. The best way I knew how to deal was to just get away. The distance helped me clear my head. After some time away, I realized that it wasn't really the kind of situation I wanted to associate myself with. I've come a long way and I'm very proud of the person I have grown to be but being in this situation recently has caused me to backtrack into these immature relapses. I hate how it makes me feel and how it makes me act because it's not me. Far from it.

It still confuses the hell out of me though. How I can get tired of a person or situation so fast and in such a short amount of time, I haven't the slightest clue but it happened & needless to say, I don't feel guilty or regret anything. What's done is done & I'll just leave it be because truth be told, I don't care enough to bring shit up right now. And if we're really being raw about it, you never really knew me at all so I don't owe you anything, much less an explanation. But that's just me being blunt. I know I should be the bigger person & talk it out so that at least we got some closure, that's my bad. But I do believe in due time we will get that chance to talk it out. I just don't think now is the time. Things are still fresh in my mind & I think if given the time to talk about it now, my annoyance will just get the best of me & the conversation might just take a turn for the worst. So, I guess until then I'll just leave it be & let the time take its course to heal both ends.

How things took the complete 360 & got to where it is now, I can't explain. It seems like everything just happened so fast & before I knew it, we're here. I don't want to apologize because I don't feel like I have anything to be sorry for. I just feel like we both need to be individuals. You do you and I'll do me. That's the only solution I can think of. I know you'll be okay because you have been & you definitely don't need me to reassure you of that. You're good. So, until we cross paths again..I just wish you all the best.

Thank you & goodnight.

01.22.2010

I'm about 6 days late on the blog but I was on vacation. Who blogs when they're on vacation, anyway?! LOL January 22, 2010. Well, what can I really say to describe the day. Awesome. Amazing. Beautiful. The epitome of happiness in one day, from start to finish. Since my October 22nd post, I never would've imagined things to be better than they are now -- with myself, with my life, and most especially with Him. *insert cheesy grin here* but let me start off with this....



Isn't that the cutest/sweetest thing you've ever seen in your life?! Yes, I know. Be jealous. LOL I'm just kidding.........half-kidding. Totally unexpected and crazy embarassing if you ask me. Not a bad embarassed, its definitely a good embarassed for sure. It was perfect, to say the least. Everything from the detail, to the personalization, to the timing -- *sigh* I wouldn't have had it any other way. Just Him & I....&what seemed like a million balloons LOL but I hope he knows he has to keep it consistent from here on out *hint hint* He set the bar pretty high for himself, not that I don't love it...i'm just saying ;]

Almost exactly 27 months of being single & I can absolutely say I've never been more ready to be in a relationship as I am now. Its definitely the right time and without a doubt, the right person. He's been so understanding, so patient. I know what you're thinking -- "What about the distance? You're in Las Vegas and he's in Seattle. How's that going to work?!" To tell you the truth, I'm not scared of it. Why should I be? We've been technically doing the whole long-distance thing for the past 10 months, why should it change now that we're finally official? We've talked about the situation and we both agree its the smarter, more convenient choice for the both of us. We each have our own lives in our respective cities and we each have our own goals to reach, at least for the next year and a half. The distance is no longer our biggest roadblock because we've proved to each other that it really isn't as big a problem as we originally thought. I admit, attempting to make time for each other every month for the next 2 years is going to be a bit draining on our pockets and our schedules; and I've never been in a long-distance relationship before, but I guess for the right person; anything's possible -=) Call me cheesy, but it's true. Ask anyone who's been in one or going through one, they'll tell you the same.

Are we ever going to be living in the same city together? Oh, definitely. I have to finish up whatever's left of school out here for the next 4 or 5 semesters and after that, the sky's the limit. Whether I choose to join him in Seattle or journey off to Los Angeles, New York, or even Chicago...who really knows! For now, I'm taking it one day at a time and just like this relationship, wherever the road leads..I'll be ready for it -- boyfriend in hand! I am so excited!

So, what now? Everything's back to normal for me here in Las Vegas and the same goes for him in Seattle right now, for the next 7 weeks until we see each other again. Missing him sucks and its always the toughest part of the day for me, but I guess when i start up with school again, time will just fly for me & it'll feel like I'm seeing him every 2 weeks -=) well, I hope it'll feel like that, at least.

January 22, 2010. Cheers to the new chapter & the new man in my life -=) I can't wait for what we've got in store for us and I miss you....times a billion right now! **MUUUUAAAHHH**