“Relationships are like crystals,
you don't realize how much you love it until it breaks.”
you don't realize how much you love it until it breaks.”
I understand there's an entire past to a person that I can choose to know or not know about, but when do they let the old habits die & move on to the future? You say I'm different. You say you're happy. You feed me all these things & I believe you because I trust you. You make it sound like I am different. That you are happy. That being with me has changed you. Its so easy to believe what people say to your face, but its the shit they say behind your back that makes it difficult. I admit, I'm the kind of person that gives a lot of my trust off the bat to someone & it ends up getting me into trouble in the end. To what extent of giving someone your trust too much?? I let you do pretty much ANYTHING you want -- you stare at other girls & I'm ok with that, you go out & party & the only thing you hear from me is "have fun!", you're constantly on your phone doing God knows what with not a single question asked. I give you more freedom than most girls would give their men and is that not enough?! I didn't force you out of the life you used to live. You gave it up on your own to be with me. Now if you find yourself wanting to go back, no need to make things complicated. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. Just tell me. Don't play me for the fool that I'm not.
I've been in relationships where the trust I gave was abused behind my back...mainly because they thought I would never find out but whatever the reasoning behind it, I was the one who got played in the end. You'd think after paying my dues in my last few relationships, I'd catch a fucking break. Nope. Fooled again. I hate the feeling jealousy brings on. I despise the way insecurities can get the best of me. But this is how I feel. How you gonna feed me all this shit to my face, act like everything's picture perfect between us then turn around & say the shit you say??? Just because I'm not hearing you say it doesn't mean you're not making me look stupid. Since when have I ever given you a reason to not respect me? When can I catch a fucking break?
Let's clear things up. You don't have to DO anything to break my trust. Saying it makes you just as guilty. And just because you're not saying it to my face doesn't make it right. I thought you were different. Nope. You're just like the ones that came before you. I fell for it. Again. You're playing me for the fool and I'm just supposed to just sit here & let you do this to me?? I'm stuck. Do I sit here & wait for you to change or do I pack up my shit & leave. My head tells me to do the second. To say my goodbyes & be done with you. My heart is telling me the opposite. To give you another chance because I believe deep down inside that you can change. But how much of this do I take? How many chances do I give you before I realize you're really like the rest of them? I won't ever know.
But here's to sucking it up & following my heart.....for the second time. And just like that, you suck me in again.
